Luke Looks for Answers
by CharlesTheBold
Summary: Luke examines his assumptions about science, love, and God during an overnight visit to Glynis and Friedmann. Please Review
1. A Scientific Conversation

**Luke Looks for Answers**

**Chapter 1**

**A Scientific Conversation**

_(Author's Note: This is part of a series of stories that follow the JOA characters after May, 2005. The preceding story was WINTER JOURNEYS. This particular story focuses on Luke. The main things that have happened to him since May are that he has been sharing Joan's meetings with God, and he has been intimate once with Grace)_

_(Belated Disclaimer: I have no ownership rights in JOA. My only purpose in writing this story is to have fun and maybe share it)_

"Luke! Oh, Luke!"

I recognized Glynis' voice down the hallway even before turning around to answer. Her voice had always had that flute-like quality, and somehow my own name seemed to particularly bring it out.

She was standing about ten yards away, trying to keep a fix on me among the crowd of students. It was the mad dash between classes. She probably would have pressed through to me if it weren't for her -- condition.

Unfortunately I wasn't the only person to hear her call. Behind me I heard a girl remark cattily: "Well! Looks like some boys DO make passes at girls who wear glasses."

"She's married," I said in Glynis' defense. We had broken up a long time ago, but I still didn't like hearing her ridiculed.

"Did that happen before or after she got knocked up?"

I gave up on that, realizing I was being naïve. The whole school probably knew that the smartest girl in the senior class had gotten herself pregnant. Students who were jealous of the former distinction could relieve their feelings by rubbing in the latter.

I pressed through the crowd to Glynis, tuning out everybody else.

"Hi," she said. "I heard you went to Harvard over the Christmas holidays."

"Yeah."

"We'd love to hear about it." _We_, of course, meant Friedmann and herself. "Could you pay us a visit tonight?"

I thought. It was Friday, and during the fall Grace had spent Friday nights as our house, ostensibly discussing homework, but actually comparing notes with Joan and me about recent encounters with God. But we hadn't gotten back on the schedule since Christmas holidays, which had been unusually hectic this year. Besides, Joan wanted some "quality time" with Adam now that he was in the secret as well. "Sure, I'm free. Where?"

"We're, uh, staying with my parents," she said with some embarrassment. I gathered that there was a big story behind that. The Figliolis probably weren't too happy to have Friedmann moving in, but they wanted the pair to be free to concentrate on school and keep up their excellent GPAs, not be distracted by looking for lodging and worrying about rent.

"I won't be intruding on the Sabbath meal, will I?" Dating two Jewish girls in a row had got me quite familiar with the timing of the rituals.

"No, we aren't that observant. And my parents are attending a big wedding in Baltimore."

"OK."

I was careful to mention the invitation to Grace in the biology closet, to avoid misunderstanding. She teased me about wanting to keep two girls on a string, but clearly she saw that there was no point in getting jealous of a woman who was married and pregnant, particular since the woman's mate was going to be on the scene himself. "I'll probably spend the evening exchanging Emails with your cousins," Grace said, referring to the farming family with whom she had worked over the holidays. "The adoption's about to go through. Once it does, you'll have a new relative."

"Yeah, I hope he turns out more normal than the rest of us."

"What's so good about normal?"

Maybe nothing, I thought. But if Glynis were more normal, maybe they'd pick on her less.

As I drove up to the Figlioli house I noticed some snow flurries coming down. I didn't pay much attention to that. It had also snowed in December and it had not come to much. I parked in their driveway and walked up to the door. It was answered by Friedmann.

"Hi, Luke. Come in, man." He raised his arm for a high-five and I slapped it. It made my wrist hurt afterward. Glynis came in from a back room. We walked up and hesitated, not sure exactly how to greet each other.

"Aww, go ahead and kiss," said Friedmann. "We're all friends here.

Feeling awkward about kissing my friend's wife, I stood about a foot away, careful of her stomach, and leaned forward. She duplicated the gesture and we exchanged a peck. However minor the contact, it did trigger some memories of how we used to date two years ago. But I was sure that I had never felt for Glynis the way I felt for Grace now.

"So, what was Harvard like?" asked Friedmann as we settled into chairs.

I tried describing the buildings of the campus, but after a while Glynis interrupted. "I think he meant what were the _people_ like?"

"Oh. I didn't see too many; it was already Christmas vacation. There was one guy who showed me around; he was from England and didn't want the expense of flying there and back. He was also working on a string theory project."

"Cool!" exclaimed Friedmann. "Did he tell you about any new developments?"

"Um, I'm afraid not. He wasn't on the cutting edge. He was working on a computer graphics program that would help visualize higher dimensions."

"That's cool enough," said Friedmann. "Did he give you a copy?"

"No, it required access to the university mainframe."

Friemann said a rude word.

"You must excuse my husband," Glynis said with mock formality, though in fact I had yet to hear her refer to him by his first name. "He's obsessed with string theory."

"I don't mind," I said. "The student told me that if I did some research on my own in the next couple of months, and if it impressed his professors, it would increase my chances at getting in."

"Wonderful!" asked Friedmann. "But there are other reasons to pursue the theory. It's the Theory of Everything. Once we understand it, who knows what power we might have?"

"We don't know that it's the theory of everything," objected Glynis. "There's been lots of times when people thought they had everything explained. Newton's particles, atoms, electrons and protons, quarks, and now it's strings."

It was, I thought, a purely intellectual quarrel between the two. It was like a card-playing couple who tried to cream each other at bridge, but did not let that temporary rivalry undermine their fundamental love for each other. Though, for them and for me, the subject of the quarrel was a lot more important than a game of bridge.

"How do we know strings aren't the end of the line?" demanded Friedmann.

"Because there are too many variations in the theory," said Glynis. "I think we'll know when we find the correct theory, because it will provide a simple explanation for everything, and every other theory will turn out to be flawed."

"It may never be that simple," objected Friedmann. "I've heard of a theory called the anthropic principle. It says lots of theories are possible, and for each possible theory there's a universe built on the theory. We look around in ours, and wonder how it got that way. What we're seeing are the laws that led to our existence. If there was a universe where gravity wasn't strong enough to hold a planet together, or hydrogen and oxygen didn't go together to make water, we wouldn't be there, so we don't see those particular laws. "

"Could we ever see the other universes?" asked Glynis.

"Nope, because the other universes wouldn't have light in our sense."

"It doesn't make much sense to theorize about something you can never see," mused Glynis. "What do you think, Luke?"

It suddenly dawned on me that I had access to the right answer. I couldn't see if those other universes existed, but I knew Somebody who could. The problem was, I couldn't mention the Someone to the others, unless I did it very carefully.

"Einstein talked a lot about God," I said slowly. " 'God is subtle but not malicious'. 'God doesn't play dice with the universe' . So maybe God could give us answers."

Glynis stared, and Friedmann giggled. "We don't know exactly what Einstein meant by God, but it was probably something pretty abstract. Not something like a stranger on a bus, offering to tell us a secret."

Glynis nodded, "We shouldn't anthropomorphize too much. That's why our religion forbids making a "graven image" of God."

I dropped that approach in a hurry. When Joan first told me about her divine visits, I couldn't reconcile the idea of a Cute-Boy-God with the Creator of the Universe. I still couldn't; I simply put them in separate compartments and believed in them both. If Glynis and Friedmann were ever to be brought into the secret, I would need divine help, as Joan had when she told us.

While I was casting about for a way to change the subject, my cell phone rang (the fanfare from 2001). "Hello?"

"Luke? Are you all right?" Mom's voice.

"Sure, Mom. I'm visiting Glynis and Friedmann. What's wrong?"

"Better look outside."

The family had their blinds drawn, and besides my back was to them. I moved the blinds aside and saw what Mom was talking about. The flurries I had seen earlier had built into a major snowstorm. "Oh, crap."

"That's one way of putting it," Mom said dryly. "I don't want you driving in that with less than a year's practice."

I felt an odd sensation in my ribs; Glynis had come to look over my shoulder, and her belly was pressing into my back. "Don't worry, Luke; you can stay with us. I better call my parents and see what they're doing."

"You heard?" I asked Mom.

"Yes, thank them and accept their offer."

Glynis came back from her room a minute later. "Mom and Dad don't want to risk a drive either. They're staying with a friend in Baltimore. That means everything's working out. You can stay in their room, Luke."

"Um, I'd rather not intrude that much. I'll just stretch out on that couch, when the time comes."

"It's still early," Friedmann said.

We tried to get back to the scientific discussion. The main question now was whether another universe could be deduced, even if it were not visible. I thought yes (after all, I had seen a ghost -- Judith -- that definitely followed different laws). Friedmann thought no, and Glynis was undecided, challenging both of us to convince her. As time passed, the discussion got more esoteric, we got wearier, and that conversation got sillier. I remember somebody saying "For a difference to be a difference, it must make a difference", after which somebody else said "It sounds like it IS time for bed."

I decided to take off my shoes, socks, and jacket and otherwise keep my clothes on for the night. Glynis fetched me a blanket in case the chill from outside got in. After that, she and Friedmann retreated to her room. It struck me as odd for a boy and girl my age to openly get in bed together, but of course they WERE married. I wondered what they would do there and hastily decided that it was none of my business.

It took some time for me to get to sleep, since neither my clothes nor the couch were particularly comfortable. But finally I nodded off, and started a journey into dreamland.

TBC


	2. Little Girl Heaven

**Luke Looks for Answers**

**Chapter 2**

**Little Girl Heaven**

_(AUTHOR'S NOTE: The idea of adapting heaven to fit a personality is from the novel THE LOVELY BONES, though in this case it's God's temporary personality)_

Dreamland was a playground, and not just any specimen of it. It was a perfect playground. Somehow, without being told, I knew that children could roll on the ground without getting dirty, that they would not get injured even if they fell out of a tree, that nobody had to clean up after the ponies the children were riding in one corner of the park. I myself felt tempted to forget all my teenage angst and simply play here like a child. But I reined in that impulse. There was a reason for this dream, and eventually I spotted it.

Little Girl God was sitting on a patch of perfect grass, playing with a ball. The ball was the color of Earth in the moon pictures: dark blue with wisps of white cloud. I worried what would happen if she dropped it.

She looked up. "Hi."

"Hi. Um, do you mind if I ask some questions?"

"That's why I'm here."

"You, as a little girl. And the Mind of the Universe. I just can't connect the two."

"That's because I'm beyond your comprehension." The Little Girl stated that like a fact, not an insult or a boast. "The best that I can do is to exhibit parts of myself, whatever part if most relevant at the moment."

"Yeah. But why appear as a little girl when you're going to talk philosophy?"

"The contrast makes my information more convincing. You KNOW that it's not a little girl talking, that Someone with great power is talking through her."

"Okay, that makes sense. You know the discussion I was having with my friends, about whether there are other universes?"

"I know everything."

"So what is the answer?"

"You can't quote me to Friedmann and Glynis, you know. They won't believe you."

"I know. I want to know for my own sake."

The Little Girl sighed. "A lot of universes are possible, but only a few were worth creating. The ones where people could exist. I'm using "people" in a broad sense, of course. Minds capable of original thought. Not necessarily human."

"Wow. Are there other people in this universe?"

"Yes. But you won't meet them for several centuries."

"It's enough just knowing that they're there. What about the other problem that we were discussing? Is string theory the answer to everything?"

The ball rolled away, and the Little Girl chased after it. It was a delaying tactic, of course; she was infallible and wouldn't have dropped the ball by accident.

"Luke, your big heroes are people like Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, right?"

"That's right."

"Why?" She already knew the answer, because she could read my mind. There must be a reason for this interrogation.

"Because they devoted their lives and their brainpower to solving fundamental questions."

"Exactly. It was a deliberate effort. Luke, suppose there was a runner who longed to run a mile in four minutes. Do you think he'd be happy if I shrunk the mile for him?

"No."

"Or some guy who wanted to climb Mt. Everest. Do you think he'd want me to shorten the mountain?"

"No," I repeated, seeing where this was leading.

"What Newton and Einstein did were great accomplishments, Luke, but part of the greatness was that they did it themselves, and inspired others to follow their example. And they proved that science can be as heroic an endeavor as anything in sports. So do you really want me to hand you the answer about string theory?"

"No, we'll find it ourselves someday. And be proud of it. But why did you answer my first question directly?"

"Because that was a question beyond your science, and would never be answered except from me." She looked around, and seemed to let her Little Girl persona take over. "Oh, ponies! Can I have one, Uncle Luke?"

"Um, maybe not permanently," I said, somewhat taken aback by the change, "but I'll take you over for a ride today."

I took her hand and escorted her over to the pony rides. This being a perfect playground, nobody asked about money. The manager picked her up and placed her on the back of one of the ponies, something I would never have the nerve to do. He went off, and the Little Girl picked up the reins. "Oh, and Luke--?

Not Uncle this time. This would be an adult message. "Yes?"

"Just remember that science isn't everything. Immanuel Kant said that there are TWO wonders in the universe: the stars overhead and the moral law within each human being."

"Am I doing something wrong?" She seemed to be implying that I was neglecting the latter.

"Not now. But you must be on your guard." She flicked the reins. "Giddyap, horsie!"

She trotted off, and took the dreamworld with her.

TBC


	3. A Very Personal Conversation

**Luke Looks for Answers**

**Chapter 3**

**A Very Personal Conversation**

I woke up to see something like a big fuzzy ball hanging over me. I groped for my glasses and put them on, to see Glynis looking down on my face. She was wearing a big shapeless nightgown, and what my near-sighted eyes had interpreted as a ball was her swollen belly.

"Sorry," said Glynis. "I forgot you were in here. I couldn't sleep, and didn't want to wake Frieedy up, so I came in here to read something."

"It's all right," I said. "Would you like to talk instead? Maybe I'll bore you so much that you'll fall asleep again."

Glynis laughed. "Worth a try." She settled on a well-cushioned bench across the room. "So you and Joan went to Boston to see the college. How did Grace take that?"

"Oh, she had her own trip. Went down to North Carolina, to work on a farm run by some cousins of mine."

"Grace as a Farm Girl? Somehow I can't visualize her on a horse. She'd think sitting on it would be violating its animal rights or something."

"Actually she rides pretty well. I rode behind her on one occasion, and she had excellent control of the horse."

"When was this? I thought you were in Boston."

"Oh, Grace and I vacationed together last August on the same farm."

Glynis looked rattled for some reason. Then I remembered that August was the month during which she had lost her virginity and gotten herself knocked up, all on a wild unplanned Saturday afternoon -- that's the story she told Joan. Probably didn't want to even think back to that time. I hastily tried to change the subject. "Have you ever learned to ride horseback?"

"Nope. My parents offered to buy me riding lessons a few summers ago, but I chose to go to computer camp instead. Not too many girls there; I nearly had the girls' bunkroom to myself, which didn't bother me." Suddenly her resolution failed. "Maybe I should have spent time doing more girly things. Then I might be more popular now and less of a pariah."

"I don't believe in this 'boys are from Mars, girls are from Venus' crap" I said angirly. I knew, even though nobody had said it to my face, that people had ridiculed my pairing with Grace, asking which of us was the boy and which the girl. "The notion that girls are supposed to love horses and avoid science is a stereotype, and the last thing we need ias people feeling they have to adhere to the stereotype and perpetuate it. You're not a pariah to me, Glynis, or to Joan, or to Adam. Grace said--"

"Grace! How do you even communicate with that girl?"

"What do you mean?" I said, somewhat miffed, but trying to conceal it.

"Well, she's scarcely a big brain. Would she understand our conversation earlier tonight about string theory?"

"Grace is no dummy, Glynis. It's a matter of motivation. Talk to her about string theory, and she'll find it boring. She'll ask what difference the theories make to the average human. But during the holidays she worked on a field of genetically altered wheat, bred to help feed starving countries in the third world. Now she's fascinated with genetic research, asking Lischak all sorts of questions, and pestering me for information." I left out the fact that the wheat field failed and that Grace felt guilty about it, though it wasn't her fault. "And, of course, science isn't the only thing we talk about."

"A lot of I-love-yous, I suppose."

"Um, yeah."

"For years Frieedy and I were able to connect on the science-conversation level, and it seemed sufficient. I didn't want maudlin boys slobbering all over me, or brainless hunks either. Frieedy took me seriously from the start, treated me as an equal brain. And now--"

She froze.

"And now," I said, "you two have progressed to another level. Married, and expecting your first child. Everything's ended up wonderfully."

Glynis started to sob.

I crossed over and sat beside her on the bench. "Glynis, what's wrong?"

She buried her face in my shoulder. "Life! Everything! I never planned it this way. I gave in to Frieedy that day because I wanted to distract him from the drugs, not because I wanted to get laid, much less knocked up! I didn't have any protection. Now it's growing and growing and I don't have any control. In three months it's going to push its way out. I'm terrified of childbirth. I've seen movies where the women scream like they're being tortured. And after that there'll be another human being dependent on me, and if I do something wrong I'll ruin its life. I'm not ready for this!"

I patted her back, hoping that she found that reassuring. "At least you'll have Friedman at your side, helping out."

"Frieedy? He's worthless at this. Did you notice that when we discovered the snowstorm, I made all the arrangements while he sat like a bump on the log? Life to him is still one eternal science fair, fun facts for his entertainment. He wouldn't even have married me if your sister hadn't shamed him into it."

One of Joan's more crucial missions. And it was looking like the mission wasn't complete, though that wasn't Joan's fault.

"I'll do all I can help." I was thinking in terms of missions and ripples, and of responding to a friend's plea. But Glynis took it a different way.

"I know you'll come through. There's a bond between us. There always was." She raised her head and planted her lips on mine. I felt her breasts pressing on my chest; I realized later that they had probably enlarged in preparation for nursing her baby, but at the time it just felt very erotic. Grace had never shown such ardor; in all our love scenes she had always wanted to retain some control, whether it was the five-minute make-out contract or choosing the time for consummating our love. I stopped patting Glynis's back and held her tight against me. I didn't feel a bra-strap, and I wondered if she was naked under the robe. That was another sexy thought.

She released my lips and bent her head back in bliss.

"Oh, Luke, it seems that out instincts were right the first time. That whiny bitch was never meant for you. I admit it's dangerous to do things now, but after my baby's born we could--"

I released her and struggled to my feet.

"Wait. Glynis, we can't do this. It wouldn't just be sex anymore. You're married; it would be adultery! And with a good friend's wife!"

"But you said--"

"I said I'd help. I'll -- I'll send Joan. She's a girl and can empathize. And maybe my mother can help you with childbirth issues; after all she had three of us."

"Dumping all the responsibility on females. You men! _Cosi fan tutti gli uomine_, you men are all alike. All fine sentiments, but when you're really needed, you just sit there useless like a pile of s---". She stormed out of the living room and into her bathroom, where she slammed the door.

I stood there for a moment shaken by all sorts of emotions: lust and shame, and fear that the commotion might have waked up Friedmann. How could I ever explain this to him?

I had to get out of here.

I rushed to the window. It was still too snowy to drive my car home. But the car could be a refuge itself.

I went back to the sofa to put my shoes, socks, and jacket back on. To be prudent I picked up the Figlioli's blanket, making a mental note to return it when the atmosphere wasn't so tense. I was on my way to the door when I noticed Glynis' book on a table, the one she had originally intended to read an hour ago. SENSE AND SENSIBILITY, by Jane Austen.

Outside the cold hit me all at once. By comparison everything that had happened inside seemed like events in an overheated hothouse. I trudged through the snow to my car and opened the front door.

Inside, of course, it was nearly as cold as outside, minus the icy wind. I put my key in the ignition and turned it backwards to access the electric power without starting the car. I used that to turn the heater on for a few minutes. I was in danger of running the battery down, of course, but staying out of the house seemed worth it. When it seemed hot enough I switched it off. As long as I kept all doors and windows closed the car should retain heat for a while. It would also retain the carbon dioxide I breathed out, and not replenish the oxygen I breathed in, but I was willing to risk that.

Having done the best I could to stave off the cold, I stretched out on the front seat. It was scarcely as comfortable as a sofa, but I was emotionally exhausted, and eventually I was able to enter dreamland once again.

TBC


	4. Cute Boy Heaven

**Luke Looks for Answers**

**Chapter 4**

**Cute Boy Heaven**

_(DISCLAIMER: In this story I put a lot of religious speculation into the mouth of Cute Boy God, treating it as revelation. Readers who disagree with the ideas expressed can take the point of view that this is just a dream of Luke's, or that it just applies to the Joaniverse and not our own. Few of the ideas are original with me)_

I dreamt that I was standing on a flight of stairs with blank walls on either side. I had no idea what I was doing there, but there was really only two things you could do with a flight of stairs: go up or go down. And since I seemed to be facing upward, I mounted the staircase.

I emerged in a furnished attic. I knew it was an attic because the walls and ceiling were oddly shaped, to accommodate a sloping roof. There were no windows. The furnishings were fascinating enough. On one long wall were several charts: one of the solar system, another of the periodic table (both were longer than the official charts I knew, as if the designer knew of more planets and elements than everybody else did). Third was a chart I didn't recognize, but which proved to be a sketch of the human genome. Maybe that would be considered cool for a scientist to own in a few years.

On the opposite wall were sophisticated electronics devices: a VCR/DVD player with lots of options, plugged into a flat-screen TV, and a powerful computer. I looked at the list of DVD sets, and found the following:

AENEID

DIVINE COMEDY

EPIC OF GILGAMESH

FAUST

ILIAD AND ODYSSEY

KALEVALA

MAHA-BHARATA

MOHAMMED'S NIGHT JOURNEY

PARADISE LOST

RAMAYANA

"Hello, Luke," said a melodious voice behind me. "I hope you approve of my collection."

I spun around. It was the avatar that Joan called Cute Boy God, a name I disliked for obvious reasons. "I suppose you're rather disgusted with me at the moment."

"Why?" asked the Boy.

"You know why. You're omniscient. I fell lust for a married woman."

"But you rejected the temptation. That's enough for me." He pointed at the DVDs. "If you read PARADISE LOST, you'll find the passage "Evil into the mind of God or man may come and go, so unapproved, and leave no spot or blame behind".

"Thanks a lot. But I'd feel better if it had never gone through in the first place. Why do you let human brains work that way?"

The Boy seemed amused. "So now it's my fault? Sit down, Luke. I think we have a long discussion ahead."

I dropped into a chair. It was amazingly comfortable. After all, it had a perfect designer.

"Humans are the highest product of evolution, but millions of generations of animals came first, and each generation had to produce the next. Now the concept "I must mate and reproduce so that my genetic line will not die out" is too abstract for most animal brains. It's easier to give the animals a mating urge and leave it at that. But when unfocused mating urges survive into a human being, it can cause problems. It's not the only impulse, either. Cruelty and greed are other animal survivals into the human mind."

"Yeah. Can't you do anything about it?"

"But I have. I have given human beings reason, and free will. I have also given man a moral code. The combination of these were enough to help you overcome your sexual attraction to Glynis this evening. Different cultures have called the temptations by different names -- "original sin", or "bad karma", or "passions", or "the id", but they agree that they should be suppressed."

"Wow. You've never told Joan stuff like this."

"Joan's mind works differently from yours, Luke. Her point of view tends to be "what shall I do today?", so I hand her missions as they come up. I have, by the way, been encouraging Joan to think more deeply, as when she discovered the relation between mathematics and music while taking piano lessons two years ago. You, on the other hand, like searching for first principles and fundamental laws. I'm willing to help you -- even when it means withholding the actual answers, as I explained earlier tonight."

"Right."

"Now, don't blame Glynis too much for what happened tonight. She was swamped with a particularly powerful instinct -- seeking protection for her unborn child. But Glynis has a powerful brain of her own, and a high sense of ethics -- have you ever known her to hurt anybody in her life? Just give her time to work things out."

"Maybe I should avoid her for a few days."

"No, because you promised to help her, and it was a noble promise."

"Oh, crap," I said, realizing that I had painted myself into a corner. Then -- "Pardon my language."

"No need," he said, showing that irritating 'amused' air again. "As I explained to you and Grace last summer, excrement plays a crucial role in biological cycles. I'm just find it funny that humans treat it as such a negative symbol."

"Let's forget I said it, okay? Why couldn't you have helped us out by suppressing this animal stuff when humans evolved, instead of making us to deal with it?"

"Luke, think of the Garden of Eden story and what it symbolizes. There were two kinds of ways in which humans could have lived. One is in a state of perfection, symbolized by the garden -- but it required humans to play their own roles perfectly, subordinating their wishes to the needs of the perfect system. The other way is to give humans the freedom to do whatever they like, including the wrong things. The story called it the knowledge of good and evil, meaning knowing how to do both good and evil things. I keep my interventions to a minimum, working through people like your sister who choose to obey me of their own free will."

"Maybe you should have done it the first way."

"Luke, you asked me earlier about other universes. Actually, there IS another universe where I did it the first way."

"Cool! I'd like to see that."

"I may show it to you sometime. But I can predict in advance that you won't like it. Things that you consider great human achievements, science in particular, don't exist there. They require that a human being be willing to challenge the unknown instead of accepting rules. To you the people there would seem like robots, following an unseen program without any complaint. You love Grace in part because you admire her rebellious spirit; well, there is nobody in that universe like Grace."

"Then I don't want it. Heavenly or not."

"As I thought. Now, Luke, I hope your visit has helped you keep tonight's incident in perspective. Do you have anything else to ask?"

"I do. This attic -- it's the perfect place for my sort of guy. I suppose that it's a form of heaven, like the playground was."

"Yes. To paraphrase Milton, I carry my heaven around with me."

"But why do keep showing me illusions like this?" I said, waving around the attic. "Why don't you show me the real heaven?"

"I've tried that before. 700 years ago, I granted a special vision to Dante. It nearly fried his brains. By the time he wrote it down, he frankly admitted that he had forgotten most of it." The Boy pointed to the DIVINE COMEDY DVD. "I tried given a more controlled vision to your sister once -- she fainted, and couldn't retain it either."

"When did that I happen?" I asked in concern.

"Two years ago. One of her friends had just died; your parents blamed the fainting spell on grief and too many missed meals. And a few years earlier there was the sad case of a girl named Buffy -- but you get the picture."

"Yes, I do. But I have to go back to real life and tangle with Glynis and Friedmann now, right?"

"Yes. Just remember: you have knowledge of both evil and good. Use it."

I walked down the stairs, back to Earth.

TBC

_(AUTHOR'S NOTE: The note about Buffy refers to Season 6 of BUFFY, where the girl can't get used to real life after a stay in heaven. I couldn't resist the parallel with Joan in JUMP, but that's the only connection I ever intend to make between the two fantasy shows)_


	5. An Answer

**Luke Looks for Answers**

**Chapter 5**

**An Answer**

TAPTAPTAP

I woke up feeling disoriented. Of all the places that I could possibly be -- an ideal attic, my bed at home, a sofa -- the front seat of a car seemed very unlikely, yet that seemed to be where I was.

Sunlight through the windows. I had overslept. Not surprisingly, considering how busy a night I had had.

TAPTAPTAP

I finally focussed on the source of the noise. Friedmann was tapping on my front window with a coin, hard enough to create noise but not enough to cause damage. I reluctantly let down the window, allowing the cold air in. It was no longer snowing, but the sun was clearly insufficient to melt the snow at the moment.

"Hey, dude, what are you doing out here?" asked Friedmann. "You're free to stay in the house."

Belatedly I realized that I had no story cooked up to explain the situation. I started, "I, um---" and then I looked beyond Friedmann, spotting Glynis.

She was standing on the front porch, now wearing jeans and a turtleneck sweater against the cold. Her eyes were fixed on Friedmann and me, and she looked terrified. What if her husband found out about last night?

Friedmann, noticing my own look, turned around to see what was going on.

That seemed to rattle Glynis. With her eyes still fixed on us, she stepped forward -- right onto a patch of snow that had blown onto the porch the previous night. Suddenly her foot shot out and she fell backwards onto the floor.

"Glynie!" shouted Friedmann. Forgetting me entirely, he dashed back to the house. At one point he slipped on the snow himself, flailed about until he got his balance back, then ran again. Meanwhile I managed to sit up on the car seat and get the door open so that I could follow, several seconds behind.

"Glynie!" he shouted again, climbing the stairs.

His wife was still sitting on the porch floor, looking startled and embarrassed. "It's all right. The baby isn't hurt--"

"Never mind the baby right now; are YOU all right?"

"Gotta literal pain in the butt," she said ruefully. "But I'm OK otherwise." She struggled to her feet, with Friedmannn helping. "Oww!"

"What is it?"

"I think I wrenched my leg."

By that time I had reached them on the porch. "Luke, help me prop her up, will you? We need to get her warm inside."

I got in position on her other side and put my arm around her. It was as tight a grasp as last night, but the intent was utterly different, and so was my emotional reaction. I simply wanted to help her feel better.

We guided her to the sofa where I had slept part of last night. Friedmann fluffed up the pillow for her head, while I pulled her legs up onto the cushions. "Should I call a doctor?" asked Friedmann.

"No -- I'm all right, honestly," assured his wife.

"Well, at least lie there a while, while I fix breakfast. It won't be as good as your pancakes or waffles, but that can't be helped. You'll eat with us, Luke?" He seemed to have forgotten the car entirely.

I thought quickly. "No, I have an idea. The Roves have a truck; it can probably make its way through the snow now that it's no longer falling. I'll see if they can pick me up. I'll take care of my car later."

"Ok. But will you please keep Glynie company while I fix the breakfast?"

Weird. He was so unaware of last night's events that he actually wanted me to stay with her. But I was no longer tempted. I just wanted to straighten things out.

As her husband walked out, Glynis motioned for me to sit on the floor so that we could talk softly. "He cares, he really does care. But it took an accident to get him to show it."

"Yeah." What I said next would be crucial, and I phrased it carefully. "I think that he's cared all along, but doesn't know how to express it. You yourself said that you didn't want guys slobbering over you. Science is a common and important interest for both of you, so that's what he harps on. You mentioned being frightened of the future; I think he is too, and that's why he delayed the marriage, but he DID come through. He loves you. Give it time."

She nodded. "I can't believe that I threw myself at you last night, and then called you a s--- when you rebelled." She giggled nervously at the obscenity, old-Glynis style. "I needed sympathy, but I shouldn't have sought it from somebody I had emotional baggage with. Sending your mother would probably be the right idea."

"Yeah, and I heard that Bonnie McLean has had her baby. She could give you pointers too. But what about your mother?"

"My mom keeps dwelling on the negatives -- all the problems that could come up, all the opportunities I've thrown away. The Friedmanns frankly hoped that I'd 'solve' things by getting an abortion -- I suppose they kept urging him not to promise marrying me."

"But he did come through."

"Yes."

"Oh, crap!" came Friedmann's voice from the kitchen. "I've gone and burnt the first stack of pancakes!"

Glynis chuckled and called out: "It's the thought that counts!"

I raised my voice. "Friedmann, my Dad takes pride in knowing some cooking, and he's started training me on breakfast. Let me cook, and you can sit with your wife."

"That would be nice," said Glynis.

-----

Mr. Rove showed up about 10:00; I wasn't the only person whom he was helping out this morning. As I went out the door I looked thoughtfully at the patch of ice on which Glynis had tripped. God said that he never intervened, but I wondered -- how little effort would it take to blow a little snow onto the porch, when He foreknew that Glynis wouldn't be too hurt and the other ripples would be good? Of course He would never admit to such a thing.

------------------

I finally got home at 11:00, thanks to Mr. Rove. After reassuring my parents that I had gotten through the night OK, I barricaded myself in my room with my computer.

Whatever I had done to wrong Friedmann, I felt that I had made up for it by mending his marriage to Glynis. But I still felt guilty about two-timing Grace. And I couldn't even confess it to her, because it would mean implicating Glynis. Grace might forgive me, but she would loathe the other girl, and the Friedmanns had enough problems without Grace on their case.

But there was a way in which I could make it up to her. First I sent an Email to my friend at Harvard.

_Thanks for your advice, but I don't think I'll be able to work on the string theory project. Other things have come up._

Next I surfed the web for some books on the genome and generic engineering. Joan could probably get them for me quickly, thanks to the recent reorganization at her bookstore. If I could cram on them quickly enough, I would be able to answer all of Grace's questions about the biology, and possibly even do original work.

I might be jeopardizing my acceptance at Harvard, but that didn't matter to me at the moment. God said humans had both freedom of choice and a moral sense, and I chose to soothe my conscience by carrying out the wishes of my beloved.

THE END


End file.
